Explanation Needed

My daily life usually involves making difficult decisions such as whether to give someone a spinal or general anaesthesia for an operation or whether I should intubate someone or give him/her a trial of non invasive ventilation. However, over the past couple of weeks or so it has gotten slightly more complicated and has left me a bit confused – should I go for one girl over the other, both, or none at all?

Actually, the choice between the two can in fact be rather simple. One of them is already talking about the “M” word even before I started going out with her so it makes it pretty obvious which one I should avoid. I literally travelled across a SEA to avoid getting married and here is someone who brings it up when my headache from the past still slightly lingers.

The problem here however, is that both of them work at the same place as me. So going out with one will make the other feel bad. And that will make ME feel bad. In fact I’m not sure I actually want to go out with anyone anyway. Someone from the same work place nonetheless. Iris said that what I really need – with regards to the stressful line of work I’m actually in – is not some smart ass to argue with after a shit call, but a kind heart to take care of me and a pretty face to look at.

Therefore the conundrum thus lies with whether I should I actually go ahead with the other girl. Several issues there however. First of all, like I’ve mentioned earlier, I am not really in the mood for any form of relationship. Hell, there are several repeating patterns here. This time, just like the last time I went out with someone, I was spurned into it by the people around me rather than because I wanted to. These things usually end REALLY badly because I’m not doing it for myself, but rather for others. I guess I don’t like to make others feel bad. I think of others’ perceptions too much and that is definitely not good.

Secondly, I really, REALLY love the single life. No obligation. No guilt.  It’s the sort of freedom that can’t be explained with mere words. Life without the burden of neither responsibility nor debt – to me that is the very definition of freedom. I’m free to make my own decisions regarding almost everything without having to take into account anyone else. For example I can choose whatever colour my vinyl mat will be (which I will go look for in a short while) without having to compromise with anyone. Or maybe go watch a new movie at my own leisure when it’s convenient to ME (and just me) instead of when it’s convenient ‘to the both of us’. My life my choices. Of course if I were to add in another person in my life it takes away that wanton freedom of choice that I enjoy and treasure above all else.

Then there is also this thing called guilt. Guilt I feel towards my ex really. I mean, I broke up with her because I DIDN’T WANT to be in a relationship. So the hypocrisy of being in one after all that drama is just detestable.

Additionally there are practical considerations as well. I mean how will it all end? What will my mom say? It’s not going to be a straight forward case with this one. Unlike the last, this time it is a Christian Bidayuh girl from Bau we’re talking about. What am I going to do when the reality of the difficulties surrounding this kind of relationship hits home? I’m not a racist (at least I try not to be) but there are hurdles to overcome and a guy like me generally don’t like hurdles. I prefer leisurely walks through life if I can help it.

Looking at the above arguments it seems really clear that I should try to avoid being in a relationship with this girl. It’ll cause me more trouble than it’s worth. Or is it? What exactly is it worth? If it was so easy then why do I keep replying to the text messages? To be polite? Then explain wanting to meet her at ten o’clock the night before she goes on her two week leave despite knowing that I have to be on call the next day. Explain the disappointment of seeing not her name but my boss’s in my inbox after hearing my phone’s new message alert beep (My boss sometimes gives detailed instructions via text messaging when I’m on call). Explain thinking of her when she’s now away and the non stop stupid grin on my face when she was close by. Explain the text messages. Explain the photos in my folders. Explain the previous few posts on this blog. Explain THIS post!

Crap.

Namesake

Here in Sarawak you do get some amazing names. Some are perhaps due to the registration officer’s hearing impairment like Ali Sabat (Elizabeth) while others are perhaps related to their parents wanting to name their children like world leaders like Saddam Hussein and Ahmad Obama.

There are also some controversial ones like Allah and some perhaps define the person, for example Gian Anak Gila. Regardless, these sort of things while may subject someone to ridicule it is nevertheless names given by their own parents and are in fact carried with pride. For that, they are worthy of more praise than some of the people back home who adopt nicknames because their original ones were not ‘cool’ enough.

Like Arrora Salwa (surely her own mother didn’t give her that name) once said “One should treasure the names given to them by their parents because invariably there is a good meaning behind it.”

Sungai Merah

I was supposed to complete a medical report. The strange thing about this particular one was that it was first requested back in January. However, I’ve already completed one, submitted it, and even got paid for it. So it came as a surprise when my name came up to ‘redo’ a medical report that I’ve already gotten paid for long ago. It turned out that this particular one was for a different purup pose. It was just a matter of copying and pasting the details onto a different format.

Since today was an off day, I decided to go to Sg Merah and take some photos. It was less than half an hour’s drive from where I live and the place was supposed to be famous for its market. The market itself was a bit of a disappointment and I didn’t find “Tit” Hardware as described by Sherlyn but I took some photos nonetheless.

Sg Merah was apparently the site where the first Foochow settlers arrived in Sibu. The place now has a little garden and a memorial stained by countless dog poo that the owners never bother picking up.

Mr Wong Nai Siong - I honestly doubt that he actually really looked like that

The garden by the river

The market and tamu were rather dissappointing. Maybe most of the people were already gone by the time I reached there at around 9 am

Hold it Right There!

This may be the beginning of trouble. I never intended to get hooked up in Sarawak with a Sarawakian girl despite it being a common thing to happen to people who come here to work. However, things are happening and it surely is starting to spiral out of control. By ‘out of control’ meaning I can’t seem to control myself from responding to this girl!

The problem here is this - since I broke up with my ex-girlfriend I have enjoyed the single life. It’s great! I can do anything and go anywhere with anyone without any sense of guilt. Lonely yes, but refreshing all the same. Since then I thought that I shouldn’t get into any relationship but things don’t usually go according to plan.

We went to watch Batman a couple of nights ago. Despite me having made plans with a few other colleagues to watch it the next day (I honestly do not mind watching Batman twice – I thought it was a good movie. The one with Heath Ledger was better though). I did enjoy the movie but maybe because the arm rest was too small, or maybe because she smelled nice, I held her hand while watching it. This – is – bad...

This blog was never intended to be about personal feelings but yet again things don’t go according to plan. Meh.

Borneo Cultural Festival

The Sibu Borneo Cultural Festival lasted for about a couple of weeks ending yesterday 15 July 2012. The town square in front oof Wisma Sanyan was set as the venue. There were lots of stalls representing the main ethnic groups around the Sibu and surrounding divisions.

I and a bunch of staff from the OT went to see the event on Saturday, the day before the closing ceremony and the finale of the Kumang and Keling competition. Unfortunately my patience ran out before the results of the said competitions were announced as the speeches by several “Yang Berhormat’s” (members of parliaments) who seemed to enjoy the sound of their own voices too much took too long.

There were lots of food as well. However, they did seem rather expensive for the tiny portions that were served.

Initially I went to the festival site rather early during the day. Apparently nothing was to happen until sunset so I went back home and got myself some sleep.

There were 3 stages set up – Dayak, Melayu-Melanau, and Chinese (not specifically Foochow though) around the town square. Different performances were presented throughout the duration of the week but I was too busy to actually go see any one of them before Saturday night.

Some explanation might be warranted before I further use the word Keling especially in Malaysia. Rest assured that in Sarawak it has absolutely none of the racist connotation that it might have back in KL. However, since I can’t be asked to write it up myself (at the risk of getting it wrong), you can read all about it here.

I initially thought that these tattoos were for real (in which case it would’ve been totally awesome!). However upon closer inspection it was evident that perhaps more than a couple of marker pens were involved. Kak Burak said that a real Keling wouldn’t have that many tattoos on him anyway. The number of tattoos on a warrior is related to the number of heads he would’ve taken.

Apparently most of these guys were army guys from the nearby camp

  Some of the contestants were more than eager to have their photos taken – which was great for me!

There was also a fancy dress / fashion show competition going on. I don’t know who won it but this sunflower girl was my favourite

Anis, Nurul and Pauline - I don’t actually make it a habit of ferrying girls around and taking their photos here in Sarawak... honestly I don’t

This Borneo Cultural Festival thingy is held every year around July so there will be another one next year as well. For the people of Sibu (where hardly anything ever happens) this event is considered to be kind of a big deal.

Rest in Peace Peter

So far July has been a rather eventful month. Beginning this month our OT is seeing some drastic changes with regards to manpower allocation. In view of there being fewer medical officers left compared to previously, the on call system has been rearranged. These days there will be only one anaesth MO on call beginning 9 pm every day. However, in order to lessen the burden of that MO, another medical officer is stationed in OT until 9 pm – effectively being ‘oncall’ until then. The OT MO can claim for oncall however, since he/she will have to run OT cases for the full duration of the following day. So far this arrangement has worked rather well.

Since Dr Shereen left us, we have a new anaesthetist called Dr Kong. She was originally from Sibu but has only worked in our hospital for one year as a house officer before leaving for Peninsular Malaysia. How long she will be with us remains yet to be seen.

Another major news is Peter Ting, the most senior anaesthesia medical assistant passed away on Tuesday 12^th July 2012 during which day I was on call. You get rather use to seeing patients die but NEVER when a colleague dies. He has been ill with colon cancer for a very long time. He will be deeply missed by everyone, especially the OT staff. I remember him best as being the first person to teach me how to do an axillary nerve block and for that (and many other lessons) I will forever be grateful.

Karaoke

After the Gawai open house a bunch of us decided to go for karaoke. A popular joint for hospital staff is Deluxe Karaoke in town. It cost around RM80 for a room and some snacks for the rest of the night (which was maybe 4 hours) and we had quite good fun.

Nurul is actually from Kelantan

Pauline

Gawai Dayak and Ngiling Bidai

Last Saturday 7^th July 2012 we had a hospital level Gawai open house celebration. Pauline was taking part in some pageant for the event as the operating room's representative, so she asked me whether I could go and take some photos.

This celebration marked the end of the Gawai celebrations. It started off at around 7 pm with some speeches etc. After that they invited some of the VIP’s for a Miring Ceremony. What this involved was all the important people sitting on a mat with a bowl of food (intended as an offering to the spirits) and poured tuak (what self respecting Iban wouldn’t have tuak eh?) into a saucer (miring). According to Kak Burak, in the longhouses the food and tuak would be placed on a banister for the duration of the celebration.

Miring Ceremony

Then there were a few dance performances especially Orang Ulu traditional dances and a sape performance. The sape player was apparently invited all the way from Belaga – up the Rajang river. He gladly obliged to come and perform at our hospital especially since his son in law was one of the staff. An interesting thing to note is the fact that his was in fact an electric sape! I didn’t even know such things existed. He didn’t do it, but it kept me wondering whether one could play a proper riff with an electric sape.

Of course this wouldn’t be Malaysia without food. There were several dishes but the most memorable ones had to be the bamboo chicken (manuk pansuh) and palm oil shoots (rebung sawit). The former, as the name suggests is chicken cooked in bamboo; much like a lemang. Tapioca leaves were placed inside the bamboo to seal the flavour in and the taste is amazing. It easily is the best chicken dish I’ve ever had. EVER! There was also fish pansuh and these tasted better but it was a shame there wasn’t as much of these as the chicken.

Rebung sawit

Manuk pansuh being poured from a bamboo

Rebung sawit tasted very much like bamboo shoots however they seemed to have a firmer texture and looked like boiled potatoes. The way they were prepared made them taste rather sweet. I must’ve had 3 plates of these things. They were THAT good.

These sorts of food made coming to Sarawak worth it.

I must’ve missed the early bits of the Kumang Dayak contest as I was too busy munching away but I did get photos that I was supposed to. The contest was much like a pageant, however contestants were judged mainly on their outfits rather than their looks. The most important criteria apparently was to have a complete set of gear depicting traditional Dayak costumes, be it Iban, Bidayuh, or Orang Ulu.

Various traditional gears of Sarawak. The ones with metal head dresses are Iban and the sleeveless ones with colourful non metal head dresses are the Orang Ulu traditional garments. The only one with a Bidayuh dress in this picture is the lady standing furthest to the right

The winner of the Kumang Dayak competition

The winner announced at the end was a lab technician (whose name I forgot) in an Iban dress (although she was actually Bidayuh – Sarawak’s ethnic diversity can be rather confusing sometimes). Pauline got second place. I thought they were all very colourful but the Iban traditional dress did look more extravagant.

Pauline is a Bidayuh 'dayung'

There was also a tuak competition (it wouldn’t be Gawai without tuak) whereby individuals submitted homemade brews for judging. The winner was a ward sister whose tuak was judged to be the best tasting with the best clarity. I later enquired whether it was normal for households to make their own alcoholic beverages and according to Abang Ngitar, one of the OT MA’s, it was. In fact he has a bottle which he made 8 years ago still unopened except to filter off sediments on a yearly basis.

At the end of the event, the VIP’s were invited to cut down goodies from a tree (not unlike a Christmas tree) signifying good harvest. After which the mat on which the Miring ceremony took place was rolled and walked over several times (Ngiling Bidai), symbolic of the end of a month long celebration.

Pua kumbu jackets and a long sword. Maybe I'll get one myself. The jacket I mean.

Sarawak is filled with such interesting cultural events and activities. Do come for a visit if you have the time.

Bowling 2

On Wednesday 4^th July 2012, two nurses from the OT and a i went for bowling at the only bowling place in Sibu. We were later joined by Rose because I initially thought that we can get a discount for 4 games. It turned out that the promotion was only applicable in June so we had to pay for the RM4 per game plus RM2 for shoes. I thought this was slightly cheaper than the rates for bowling in KL. However, they still didn’t have the animated score board L...

The whole thing was meant to be merely just for fun, although I did have to miss out on The Amazing Spider Man with Zakri to play bowling with a bunch of nurses. Meh, he’s married... and a guy, so it wasn’t that hard a choice.

Pauline and Siti from the operating theatre

Unintended synchronised gasping at the score

whatever...

Siti and Rose

Siti is married but her husband is in Kuching. Don’t get any ideas

Pauline

Farewell Dinner

I haven’t been posting anything recently. Not since I got back from Singapore. The main reason being that it has been a rather hectic week or so with a lot of activities. However, this also meant that I have more material with which to write.

On Tuesday 3^rd July 2012 we had a farewell dinner party for our Anaesthetist Dr Shereen Tang who left us to become a lecturer at UKM. The dinner was held at The Fisherman restaurant by the river. From the outside the place looked like a dump however, the decor inside was rather simple and nice and the food was amazing!

I feel rather sad that Dr Shereen was leaving. I learnt a lot from her was hoping to learn a lot more. She was also a very nice boss and sent me a very encouraging text message after my first ICU call when I felt so depressed that everything I did was wrong.

Thank you very much Dr Shereen and best wishes for your future undertaking!

  The Fisherman is located on the row of shops next to Tua Pek Kong pagoda in Sibu, opposite the flood pump. Its sign board is rather worn and obscure but otherwise should not be too difficult to find if you’re looking for it

Dr Shereen was originally from UKM

Paku, lokan, umai, and roast lamb

The cake was from Secret Recipe. Yes, there IS a Secret Recipe in Sibu

Some of us who went for the dinner. Of course the on call fellas were not there that night